Lack of Boundaries Equates to Acceptance of Ambiguity!

One thing that I have struggled with greatly (in my personal and romantic relationships) is setting and adhering to boundaries. In my innate ability of always wanting to please others, I often place other people’s needs in the forefront in order for them to be “happy” with me. As I get older, a few interconnected experiences has allowed me the opportunity to see (in practice) the benefits of setting clear boundaries and adhering to them.

Story time. . . .

While children are amazing additions to families, I knew that I was over birthing more children. However, I also knew that I wanted to re-marry. I had been married with three beautiful children. Happily divorced, and raising my children alone has been both a rewarding and challenging experience. About four years ago, I started to come to terms with the idea of being and remaining single.

From a place of insecurity, scarcity and fear I allowed myself to believe that I was not worthy of finding a partner that would meet and exceed the expectations that I had, so I entertained placebo-possibilities.

Then there was the male friend that was taken but available, and when time spent became a regular occurrence at remote venues, I found myself in a conundrum.

Pause. . . Reflection Time

This is where the lack of setting and adhering to (my own) boundaries provided me an opportunity to critically self-reflect because, the truth is, the result of such a relationship would end with hurt feelings and resentment. Not on his behalf because he defined clear boundaries, but for me — the one who failed to adhere to her own boundaries.

SIDE NOTE: Ladies, a great person who is available to you with conditions is a great person. However, they may not be (in fact) the BEST person for you. Your inability to sever those ties may become a barrier in your search of the BEST person for you.

Yep, read that side note once again!

Settling can create a stagnant place where conditions do not allow for growth. Moreover, we (I mean – I) rationalize bad choices based on our feelings after the fact rather than before the fact. I Learning . . . Keep reading!

So, I say all of that to say this . . .

I have learned that setting and adhering to boundaries is essential for many reasons. When we don’t have boundaries we often experience resentment which can morph into other undesirable feelings. Coming to the conclusion that I was meant to be “single” as I grew older was AND still is ridiculous

I was able to sever the ties of a stangant “situation” which removed barriers that may have prevented me from engaging in a “dating” experience that matches and exceeds my expectations of what and who I am deserving of.

The lesson I wished I learned in my 20s; but elated I have learned now . . . Set clear boundaries, adhere to them and insist people adhere to them also!

If people are unwillingly to respect your boundaries. That is perfectly fine. It simply means that they should not be in your space.

I understand more so than ever that setting boundaries and adhering to them is essential. But first, we must be aware of our boundaries (what is it that you will accept? And, what it is that you will not accept?) If we are unsure or do not know the answer to such questions, it can make for a pretty ambiguous situation where growth will not occur – if it is growth you seek.

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